About insomnia....

Why is it that a person can be bone-tired and even dozing off just before bedtime, and then go to bed and lie there wide awake in the darkness? This is the situation I am finding myself in tonight. A few short hours ago I was sitting in my rocking chair watching TV with Joanna. I realized that I had dozed through part of the news, but was so totally and utterly exhausted that I couldn't even drag myself out of the chair and down the hall to my bedroom. I finally succeeded, got myself ready for bed, sank blissfully into my pillow, and closed my eyes for some much needed and much welcome sleep. An hour later, having been wide awake the whole time, I found that I couldn't even keep my eyes closed and lying in bed was sheer torture.

Unfortunately, this is not an unusual experience for me - although I have not been plagued by the insomnia bug on a regular basis for some time. I remember being awake in bed for what seemed like a long time at night when I was a child, but I don't remember what I did about it then. As a young mother, and through most of my pregnancies, I would lie awake in the darkness and quiet of the night and plan my dream house. I would create floor plan after floor plan in my mind and furnish everything right down to the color of the walls, the type of flooring, and the kinds and colors of flowers I would arrange in vases to match each room's decor. Now, I find that instead of creating in my head what I want to have, I plan out what I want to someday do.

I think about what kind of trips I would like to take, and make all the travel plans along with lists of things to see and do while I am making my journeys. Or I might plan out next summer's garden, deciding what kinds of vegetables and what kinds of flowers and shrubs I want to plant and where I want to plant them. Sometimes I think about things I want to make - what styles and colors of items to sew or knit or crochet for my grandchildren, my dolls, or myself and/or other family members. Sometimes I ponder the subject of my next Sunday School lesson, and just let thoughts, scriptures, stories, etc. that might fit the lesson, wash over me. Sometimes I write stories or articles in my head, or I might plan out what I would sell if I set up an online store.

Of course I have heard of counting sheep, and have tried that a good number of times over the years. I have even tried counting them backwards from 1000. Recently though, I heard someone say, "When I can't sleep, instead of counting sheep, I talk to the Shepherd." I think that is the best idea yet, and have had several recent conversations with my Savior during bouts of insomnia. Sometimes I fall asleep in the middle of those discussions, and sometimes I don't; but I always feel better for having had them in the first place. Maybe I should just go back to bed tonight, and try for a little quality one-on-one time with the Lord.